I Am Never Wrong...and Other Lies I Tell Myself
God, I pray right now before my feet hit the floor that you guide me today with your Holy Spirit. And most of all that I listen. Help me to do nothing in my own flesh but only what is in Your will.
That is the prayer I wrote this morning as soon as my eyes opened. The reason I wrote those words is so that every morning I could look at it again and pray it. Why, you ask am I writing prayers before coffee, that seems reckless. Well, let me take you back to the day before, that's where it all started...
I woke up Tuesday morning, bitter and angry, ready to kick some butt and take some names. I had been wronged. How dare I be wronged, I have it all together and never wrong anyone (sarcasm inserted). It was not to be tolerated. And that was just Tuesday, there was also Monday and maybe a little on Sunday. My problem is that when I feel, I feel a lot. My feel starts off with one focus and then snowballs into 75 other issues that need to be addressed, stat! I begged God for an answer and an explanation and hear nothing. Then I did it, I prayed something that I will warn you, you should never pray unless you really want to know. God, if there is something in me that is offensive, please reveal it to me. Whoa baby, should I have thought about that for a minute before putting that request at the feet of God!
So this is where it starts to rain (not really but my Freshman English teacher taught us that rain always foreshadows a change in the plot), and boy did it rain. Over the course of an hour or two, God revealed ALL of the offensive things about me in no uncertain terms. I would list them but will spare you the gory details. But needless to say, I had some mending to do and some changes to make. As God always does, He provided opportunities for immediate mending, which is good since I most likely would have talked myself out of it, and He also showed me a better plan going forward.
The 'better plan going forward' is where the goopy eyed prayer was created. You see, I found myself asking for guidance from the Holy Spirit but still living in the flesh. I realized yesterday how backwards that actually was for me, the 'do big things for God' gal that I longed to be. In truth, I wanted to do big things for God with my strength and knowledge and all round wonderfulness and His blessing. What a fool I had been, and I wondered why I wasn't doing big things. SMH...(that is an abbreviation for shakin' my head for those of you who aren't under 25 or don't have 2 teenagers and a young adult in your home). In our WEAKNESS He is strong...how did I miss that? How did I think that I needed to be strong and informed and never wrong to carry out what He has for me? How did I miss that I was asking for guidance on a daily basis but not asking for 'the guide' to lead?
But you see, here is where it gets tricky. Today it seems perfectly clear what God revealed to me about all of my offensiveness, tomorrow is another story. The day after that is ify and in two months, well I can't even...That is why I wrote out that prayer this morning, before I could even rethink everything that overtook me yesterday. Before I could talk myself out of change and out of the fact that I could have been wrong, before I could forget that I was misaligned, that's when I wrote it. That's when I wrote the words that I hope to read every morning as a reminder that I need to live in the Spirit and not in the flesh and that I surrender that to Him daily. Boy oh boy am I gonna mess up, I already know that. But thank GOD that His mercies are new everyday and that as much as it pains me, weakness is His best working environment.
Bless you all today and remember, be careful what you pray for...